April: A Big Month For Gloucestershire!

Residents of Gloucester beside themselves upon announcement of the National Cheese Rolling exhibition!

The sporting extravaganza, dating back to Agrarian Britain in 1826, somehow failed to catch on nationwide but the London exhibition promises to rejuvenate the art of Cheese Rolling.

The cheese can reach speeds upwards of 70mph, with the slope having a gradient of 45 degrees- making one of the steepest slopes in all of the land.

Refined, successful and lucrative are just some of the words not associated with the art of Cheese Rolling. Instead, the daring participants plummet down hillsides in search of a ball of Double Gloucester in the most unruly manner. The sport demands extreme bravery, camaraderie and determination in order to take the acclaim and win the hallowed Cheese.

Now, to honour and immortalise its legacy, the paintings of Francis Salvesen will be displayed in the Mall, London. Literally some people are expected to flood the galleries in March to view this esteemed piece of artwork. It is on sale for a staggering price of £750, so it almost certainly will remain unsold and immortalised in the capital.

Coopers Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake

This event, which is esteemed in tradition and history takes place every Spring bank holiday- and let me tell you; the village of Brockworth have ascended into a state of pure jubilation for its full return following a 3 year absence due to the pandemic.

Celebrations will ensue, as the event has roots in the heathen festival to commemorate the return of Spring.

Last year the event was run and open just to the locals, and a few hundred were able to spectate the magnificence of the Double Gloucester. Staggeringly, more people have registered and interest in attending and one can only imagine the atmosphere should more make the travel to the West Country. Superlatives will be in order!

Last year, Chris Anderson went down in folklore, after winning his 23rd and final race. Wet weather wreaked havoc, with contestants tripping and tumbling 200 yards down the near-vertical hill. But then, courtesy of a fortunate ricochet, the 3KG Double Gloucester nestled into his welcoming arms.

Mr Anderson holds a record breaking 22 wins during his 15 year tenure. The soldier is stepping back from the quirky tradition in order to focus on his newborn girl, but his legacy has put cheese rolling on the global stage.

Last year the first two victors were local, but with the event now categorised officially as an ‘extreme sport’ it has attracted global competition.

Amur El Shourbaya of Egypt and Robbe Gabriels of Belgium shared the cheese later on in the day with a joint-victory, proving that it is not simply a local tradition, but a global phenomenon.

Written by Ben Blake 26-04-23

Pigs vs pigeons- who races better?

The Great Escape- Pigeon Style

If not for their commonality and turgid mannerisms, Pigeons would be regarded like Eagles. They are beautiful creatures, both in colour and in flight, and to the amazement of many they are lighting fast and great navigators.

As a result of this, racing pigeons are very valuable… in fact in January of this year a wealthy Chinese bidder bought a Belgian racing pigeon for £1.4 million, smashing the previous record of £315,000.

This immense value just adds to the tragedy that befell the country on April 19th. Races across the land amassed a release of 250,000 pigeons, with only a fraction arriving at their intended destination.

One race from Peterborough to Newcastle saw 9,000 birds released but only 4,000 arrive whilst another in Swansea saw thousands vanish without trace. A modern day tragedy.

The birds use the Earth’s magnetic field to navigate, but their sense of direction can be prohibited by storms, which most of the breeders attribute the disappearance to. It is possible that a solar storm above the clouds created static in the atmosphere- but no one really knows. This is now certainly the worst day in the sport’s modern history, some would argue in the history of all sport.

Ian Evans, CEO of the Royal Pigeon Association was stunned to say the least, telling the Sun: “There was definitely something strange that day because there was hardly any wild birds in the sky beforehand.” Perhaps even stranger still, is that the MetOffice were unable to detect any abnormal activity that would impact the birds behavior.

It makes one wonder if the birds were simply making a break for it, or if there was just some unexplainable storm that whisked the magisterial creatures away.

Since the mystery, due to the unwavering intellect of the Pigeons, many have returned to Pigeon lofts across the nation, and it is approximated that about 80% of the lost have now returned. That being said, there are still thousands of absentees and because the racing flock aren’t very streetwise, many lives could have been claimed by residential cats.

It is also reported that one of the birds has ended up in the Netherlands, one heck of an effort! A seriously impressive feat, which would perhaps be celebrated if owners across the land weren’t fatally struck by the loss of birds and cash.

So, if you see a particularly athletic Pigeon about, make sure to report it using the Hashtags:

#pigeontravesty #lostpigeon

Pigs- more than sandwich fillers

The average human would not naturally associate the words ‘rapid’ or ‘agile’ with a pig, but rather ‘lunch’ or ‘fat’. However, whilst the general public ignore the impressive athleticism of these beasts, a select few decide to give them the credit they deserve.

Amid a torrent of backlash, the pig racing scene marches on in Cheltenham with the thoroughbreds hoping to create a night to remember for the jubilant spectators. Spectators can even get involved, wagering £2 bets which helps to fund the festival, however a petition to ban it has over 10,000 signatures.

The adversary comes not from animal welfare advocates, but the general public who wrongfully believe that these pigs are in harms way. In fact they each have individual vets, who ensure their safety and are actually much better kept than regular pigs. They are given extra straw in their beds for comfort, transported in spacious trailers and even have air conditioning- quite the life!

Last year, Chris P Bacon took the plaudits at Canolfan Hermon, utilising the old ‘negative split’ by starting off slow and then finishing fast. The competition were despatched with ease as Chris took the inside line through the final turn and took the lead, which from there he retained. Majesterial.

Best of all, anyone wanting to take home manure for their gardens is most welcome- bring a shovel!

Written by Ben Blake 21-04-23

Camels and sheep alike

Fresh prince of Bel-AIuIa in attendance for the famous AIUIa Camel Cup

Actor Will Smith joined swizz beatz, the owner of racing team Saudi Bronx to witness the inaugural camel cup earlier this month

The longtime entertainer who was recently banned for ten years from the Oscars, enjoyed a trip to the ancient city in Saudi to immerse himself in the rich heritage of Camel racing.

It was all humps but no hurdles as the curtain was lowered on the fourth day, with a race worth 2 million dollars, taken home by a Emirati trained Camel. It was a double Camel Cup triumph for two brothers who said ‘It was amazing to take part in this special day’ and dedicated their victory to the kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

Camel racing over the years has become embedded in middle eastern culture and is a national sporting treasure set to hit new heights following the success of the inaugural Camel Cup.

‘Cruel’ sheep race axed by Cambridgeshire County Council

Woodditton’s flagship race has been banned, following a petition signed by 40,000 concerned locals aimed at sheep’s welfare.

The race saw 50 sheep race around a 70m track, with stuffed toy jockeys on their backs which attracted fans from across the country.

It’s a truly tragic call, which has sent Wooddittion parish council into a state of fury and they have defended the event prefusely, saying ‘The races were organised and managed superbly- without incident.’

Samantha Francis started the campaign against the event, after seeing a road sign advertising the event this year. The argument was that the sheep could ‘smell the dead flesh of their fellow creatures being cooked’ and that they were being treated cruelly.

Written by Liam Mullen and Ben Blake  

19-04-23